How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
