You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
