Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
