you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
