I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
