ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
