The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
FUCK WHALES
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
