You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
