i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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