5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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