i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize