and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
