You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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