Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
