i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
