Dual....:-)
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have fence marks all over my body
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
