Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize