My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
