we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
