My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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