do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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