Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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