Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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