I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
