I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize