Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
