she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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