Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
