Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
