how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
