someone get that fucking seahorse.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
