so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
