it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
