In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize