So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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