Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
