he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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