so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
we're so committed to being not committed
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
