it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
