I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
