i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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