I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
