He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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