Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize