i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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