Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
