Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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