my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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