Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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