i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
