So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
