No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
