We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
