I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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