Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
