Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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