The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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