the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
it was like eating out sand paper
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sorry my hands just texted you
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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