Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
