??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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