i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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