i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
