I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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