Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
