I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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