I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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