His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
