dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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