I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Quick, to the slutcave!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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