sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
