Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
