Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
