So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How does one acquire holy water?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
