I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
