I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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