Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
