Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
