Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize