Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Ladies don't puke and tell
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
