There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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