As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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