Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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