Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
