So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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