I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
