Please don't use social media to get back at me.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
