I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
