I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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