My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
