Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Randomize
