FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
