"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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