I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
As shirtless as possible
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
