girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
