I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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