weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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