Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
