Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
