no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
