toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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