soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
