My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
