were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
