Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
