the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize