the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
