Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Fuck appropriateness.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
