You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i came on her dog
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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