my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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