I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize